A maid asked the wife of the house for a pay raise.

The wife was very upset about this and asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you iron better [...]

Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove that fact is stranger than fiction:A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted suicide. The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills and a fifth of vodka. When asked about the bruises about his head and chest he said that they [...]

    DAY 752
    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
    dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
    thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
    get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I [...]

  Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how
  legitimate my illness, because I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
  On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was to
  humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury
  [...]

You can GET chocolate. 
“If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate. 
Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 
You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 
You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 
You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 
If you bite the nuts too [...]

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can’t fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They’re both round and have three holes to poke.
A4: You don’t eat your bowling ball 
Q: What do a bowling ball [...]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde [...]

Anally - occuring yearly
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - back door of cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails
Benign - what you be after you be eight
Bowel - A, E, I, O, or U
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - sheep dog
Coma - [...]

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted! 
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone. 
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant. 
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair [...]

There is a blonde driving down the road in a red corvette. She gets pulled over for speeding. The cop goes up to her car and says, “Can I see your licence please?” The blonde, looking really confused, says, “Whats that?” The cop rolls his eyes and says, “It’s a little card with your name [...]